For decades, debate has raged in schools, on trains, in print, online and at bus stops the world over as to which is better- Star Trek or Star Wars?
Well using patented scientific methods, Sky Movies is finally about to reveal the definitive truth. The science fiction community is holding its breath...
EXPLORING vs FIGHTING
Ah, the inherent conflict between Trekkies and Star Wars aficionados. Star Trek prides itself on being about something. About ideas and philosophies. About searching out new life and new civilisations. About boldly going, making a journey, having adventures. Taking history’s greatest road trip.
Star Wars is all about fighting. Good vs Evil. Dark side vs Jedi. Bad hair vs worse hair. I mean, can’t we all just get along? Constant fighting is just so…exhausting.
Score: Star Trek 1 – 0 Star Wars
STARFLEET vs GALACTIC EMPIRE
Starfleet’s raison d’etre is the peaceful exploration of the galaxy in search of undiscovered sentient life. Everyone is out to better themselves, increase their knowledge, and further their experiences. It’s like a giant interstellar hippy commune. Quite literally, far out. They even wear bright coloured uniforms.
The Galactic Empire in Star Wars is a mite more cynical. Their mission statement is simple: rule the galaxy. For what purpose? To what end? It’s never specified. Just because. They tend to dress in black because it looks intimidating…and because it’s slimming. Villians hate looking fat.
To achieve their nebulous intent of galactic dominance, they aren’t afraid to bring out the big guns- destroying peaceful systems and crushing any rebellion in one swift stroke. Frankly, that’s not very nice. No one likes a bully.
Score: Star Trek 2 – 0 Star Wars
PRIME DIRECTIVE vs THE FORCE
The guiding principle in Star Trek is The Prime Directive- that there must be no interference with the development of any alien species. It is a good, strong, important credo that serves Starfleet well.
However, the guiding principle in Star Wars is The Force. It basically gives those who can use it superhuman powers. It is all kinds of awesome. You can sense disturbances, jump really high and lift things while napping. You should only use it for good, but crikey, it does help if you need to throw down…
Apparently, it all depends on the midichlorian count in your blood. Let me tell you about it…wait…where are you going? Come back…
Winner: The Force
Score: Star Trek 2 – 1 Star Wars
STARBASE VS DEATH STAR
A starbase is a basically an interstellar motorway service station. A place where you can refit, relax and buy overpriced food and fuel. It is a perfectly acceptable place to hang out.
The Death Star however, is a giant sphere that blows up planets. And it is ALWAYS fully operational, even when there is scaffolding up and you have to wear a hard hat. Just be cautious though, there is usually a lightsabre fight going on somewhere inside featuring the boss. Best avoided.
Winner: Death Star
Score: Star Trek 2 – 2 Star Wars
SHIELDS vs DEFLECTORS
Whoever manufactures Starfleet’s shields is doing a fine job. They seem dependable even under harsh conditions. Rarely penetrated, they always seem to be ‘holding’. They even have a measure of their power status- like a smartphone “Shields at 60% Captain” etc
Star Wars deflectors are made by a right bunch of cowboys. The never seem to work properly and they always seem to be either ‘up’ or ‘down’. Mainly down. Have you seen how many ships get destroyed in Star Wars? Thousands. They should ask trading standards to investigate.
Score: Star Trek 3 – 2 Star Wars
JAMES T. KIRK vs HAN SOLO
This is a close one. Both are cocky, brave, charming, and impossibly good looking alpha males. Both Kirk and Solo love a bit of adventure, do not shirk from fisticuffs and both make time for the ladies when the need arises. Both favour action over reflection.
However, Kirk gets the nod due to his genius level IQ and because he rarely has problems making the jump to lightspeed. That is not a euphemism.
Winner: James T. Kirk
Score: Star Trek 4 – 2 Star Wars
VULCAN NERVE PINCH vs JEDI MIND TRICK
The Vulcan Nerve Pinch is a Star Trek staple and a playground favourite the world over. Projecting energy from their fingertips, Vulcans render their victim unconscious- perfect for noisy cinemas and boisterous plane passengers.
However, the Jedi Mind Trick wins this round easily. It’s so versatile, it can make you think you have already given a Nerve Pinch. Or received one. Now please excuse me while I don’t need to see your identification…
Winner: Jedi Mind Trick
Score: Star Trek 4 – 3 Star Wars
PHASER vs LIGHTSABRE
No contest. You could argue that the phaser is a more practical device as you can’t use a lightsabre to stun anybody. (Unless you clubbed someone across the back of the head with the handle.) However, a lightsabre isn’t as clumsy or random as a phaser, plus it looks great and comes in a variety of colours. And just listen to the noise. Come on, feel the noise.
Score: Star Trek 4 – 4 Star Wars
TRANSPORTER vs SHIP
Need to visit the swamp planet Dagobah? That’s unfortunate. Your brand new X-Wing fighter isn’t designed for marshy landings. There’s a real danger it could sink and invalidate the warranty.
Why not just step onto this transporter pad, have your molecules rearranged and beam down there? You may need a pair of Starfleet issue wellies but it’s a far more practical solution.
Score: Star Trek 5 – 4 Star Wars
ENTERPRISE vs MILLENNIUM FALCON
The Enterprise is a galaxy class starship, the pride of Starfleet. It is a flawless vehicle with which to travel the galaxy- comfortable, safe and economical to run. It even has that great new starship smell.
The Millennium Falcon may look cool but is a heap of junk- she barely holds together. Its owner might boast about the speed of his Kessel run but it’s always the same with classics- the idea of owning one is great but they’re impractical. When it starts raining, the roof leaks, the windscreen wipers don’t work properly and the hyperdrive malfunctions.
Winner: The Enterprise
Score: Star Trek 6 – 4 Star Wars
JOHN HARRISON vs DARTH VADER
Now Star Trek nemesis John Harrison is undoubtedly evil. He’s English and urbane for a start. All Hollywood and intergalactic baddies tend to be English and urbane. It must be something in the water. Harrison wants to teach Starfleet a lesson and blow up cities, causing the deaths of millions. That’s evil for sure.
However, Vader is a Sith Lord who thinks nothing of destroying planets and killing billions, just on the off-chance he can get a piece of information from a defiant diplomat. He also tried to kill his own son in front of his boss in an effort to find out where his daughter was so he could kill her too. That’s bad-ass.
Winner: Darth Vader
Score: Star Trek 6 – 5 Star Wars
UHURA vs LEIA
Two iconic beauties. Both smart, capable, empowered and respected. However, while one has only recently become a Starfleet officer, the other is an actual, fully-fledged Princess and leader, with more wealth than you can imagine. Plus she rocks a tiny metal bikini when necessary. She does have a tendency to snog her brother occasionally but then nobody’s perfect.
Score: Star Trek 6 – 6 Star Wars
DIRECTOR vs DIRECTOR
It’s level. To the tie breaker then- which franchise has the better director…Oh.