As film franchises go, few are more critic-proof than the videogame-spawned Resident Evil series.
For fans, each instalment promises a sense-battering apocalypse of stunts, splatter, and wave upon wave of disposable ghouls and corporate soldiers who couldn’t hit a barn door with a bazooka.
Everyone else can expect another round of frantically repetitive action, carried by a pixel-sized plot and characters it’s impossible to care less about. Imagine a series of documentaries about ants, minus the intrigue.
Still, the prospect of plunging Alice through the next plate of looking glass in 3D was exciting enough to lure Resident writer Anderson (aka Mr Jovovich) back behind the camera for the first time since part one.
Not that anyone who’s come this far will need a catch-up, but for the record a deadly virus created by the shady Umbrella Corporation has zombified the planet and the only way to find a cure is to experiment on survivors.
As a genetically modified former employee, Alice (Jovovich) is of particular interest. Unfortunately, she’s not coming quietly - as becomes clear when we rejoin her laying waste to Umbrella’s Tokyo facility.
After dealing with Umbrella boss Wesker (Roberts; a lardy clone of The Matrix’s Agent Smith), Alice heads to Alaska in search of the virus-free haven of Arcadia. She doesn't find it. But she does bump into her old mate Claire (Heroes star Larter), who has lost her memory.
In their apparently self-fuelling plane, the ladies follow Arcadia's transmission to Los Angeles, only to crash-land on a prison occupied by a bunch of survivors including Prison Break's Wentworth Miller, sneaky Son Of Anarchy star Kim Coates and 'Maddie Gilks' from Grange Hill.
It turns out that Arcadia is in plain view. But getting there is no disco when there are a zillion zombies hammering at the gates.
Anything new to report? Hell, no. But it's not that Anderson doesn't have any ideas – it's that most of them are stolen.
Amidst the wholesale regurgitation of the Day Of The Dead set-up and The Matrix's bullet-time action, you'll find less obvious borrowings like the split-headed hounds from The Thing and the coins-as-ammunition gag from Young Guns II.
One giant, super-zombie does not fresh horror make. And no amount of (largely indifferent) 3D embellishment can hide the fact that Afterlife is a gonzo patchwork of game-level contrivances and second-hand parts.
If you watch it at home, try playing all the slow-mo and stop-frame shots at normal speed. It'll make it a lot less tiresome and leave you more time to dig out your old DVDs to see where all the best bits came from.
Been here, done that, pass the console.