Some of you may not be surprised that Len Wiseman's Total Recall remake (remake, reboot, reheat, whatever you want to call it) hasn't exactly set the world alight. Although it has been 22 years since the Arnie classic hit our sceens, it remains a firm sci-fi favourite. And Wiseman is also Mr Underworld; not a great ensorsement as far as we're concerned.
And sure enough, early reviews from across the pond aren't overly positive.
"Soulless, bombastic and numbingly repetitive," says Claudia Puig of USA today.
Kenneth Turan of the Los Angeles Times quipped: "After too many hard-to-follow chases out windows and doors and up and down ultramodern elevator shafts, after too many people saying things like "this is going to sound crazy," "Jesus Christ, it's hard to believe" and "you've got to be kidding me," our systems end up on overload. And there is nothing very futuristic — or entertaining — about that."
Critics have, predictably, littered their criticism with memory gags: "The Total Recall reboot is a futuristic fiasco, two hours you'll never get back - and every minute is a bad memory," said Peter Travers of Rolling Stone magazine.
And, from A.O. Scott of The New York Times: "After less than 24 hours I can’t recall anything Mr. Farrell said or did, other than run from Ms. Beckinsale, sometimes in the company of Jessica Biel."
So there we have it. The British reviews are still to come, but it's not looking great. Although, if the plot of either Total Recalls teaches us anything it's that we shouldn't take anything at face value...